Patience, Flexibility and Consistency

The whole "home school thing" has caused me a great deal of thought and prayer lately. It seems like when you finally feel like you've hit the right groove, something else needs to be tweaked. The past month or so was one of our hardest so far. It just so happened that a gal whose husband also teaches seminary, was interested in home schooling some of her younger kids. We live really close to each other, and so we'd run into each other every once in a while at the library or grocery store. Everytime we saw each other, she'd say, "I'm still thinking about home schooling. I just don't know if I can do it!" Well, I saw her at the library the other day and she was visibly relieved to see me. She said, "I've been hoping we'd run into each other for months now! I've decided to homeschool our 5 year old next year and I need advice." I felt intimidated that someone would need MY advice, who is so obviously a novice at this whole thing. It also caused me great reflection because she caught me on such a hard week. Instead of being encouraging, I really wanted to tell her, "THIS IS SO HARD!!!!" Regardless, this is the email I sent her.



"Hi Hilary!

Sorry it's taken me so long to get back to you about homeschooling. I swear I didn't forget, I just wanted to make sure I gave this email plenty of thought and I needed uninterrupted time to do so.

Ok, so I'm not sure what specific advice you're looking for, so I'll just write and hope something good and helpful comes out.


We decided to homeschool ultimately because I realized that no matter how good a teacher my kids would get, they would never love my kids like I do. They aren't able to invest the time I would be able to. Plus Heavenly Father just kept pushing me in that direction until I couldn't oppose the idea any more. I LOVE homeschooling. I can't imagine doing it any other way. That being said, it's the hardest thing I've ever done. It takes so much patience and consistency. So I pray a lot and read a lot. Which I'm sure you've already been doing. 😊 Some of my favorite pros about homeschooling are: No one tells you what time you have to get up in the morning, or what to study, or how to schedule your time. You and your kids get to choose what's best for everyone, not the school district! I love when a light bulb moment happens, and I'm the ones that gets to see it. I love that I get to incorporate the Spirit and the gospel into school. I love that I get to work at paces that are comfortable for my children and not pushing them along just to take a test. I love being with my kids all day (most of the time) and not having someone else spend the majority of the day with them.


A typical homschool day for us, might look like this:


8 am breakfast and morning devotional (this includes the pledge, a prayer, and some sort of learning song or patriotic song)
chores, getting ready etc.


9:30am The kids watch a learning show while I go take a shower and get ready. (The library has an awesome selection of non-fiction type movies for kids. I try and find ones that correlate with what we're learning)


10am start "official" school. Sometimes this means we read all sorts of books on the couch for thirty minutes, sometimes it means we jump right into math and reading. Sometimes we do school downstairs in our school room, sometimes they work at the kitchen table while I make bread or iron or something else that needs to get done. We always start with a prayer. Then I let the kids choose what they'd like to work on first. I help Gwen and Miles separately for about 1.5 hours.


11:30 ish we usually break for lunch and I read from "The Friend".


12ish We get to the other subject we didn't cover. (Either math or reading)


1:30 Quiet time. 😊 Our almost 2 year old naps, and I make our older two...be away from me. Let's face it. No matter how much I love being with my kids all day, we all need a break. Usually that means they are in their rooms or downstairs and they are in charge of keeping themselves busy.


3:30 This time is kind of up in the air. This is where I try to get to either History or Science. (which at the point is very casual around here) Or maybe we read more books on the couch together. Maybe Miles practices piano. Maybe they are outside playing. Usually at some point around this time, they get to play a little bit of computer learning games on sites like abcya.com or starfall.com etc.


6ish Dinner.


6:30 baths, playing video games or watching a movie, or running an errand.


8pm Bedtime!!!! Dad usually reads them a chapter book for a little while.


That's a fairly ideal day. It doesn't always play out like that. For instance, on Tuesdays we meet with our homeschool group. We are studying history together this year, so we rotate houses and discuss what we read and do fun activities. This takes up the entire morning. So on Tuesdays, we usually don't do any math or reading. I'll try and invite friends to come over to play during quiet time sometimes to help with the ever important social interaction for my "poor deprived homeschool recluses". Anyway, maybe that was helpful, maybe not. Ha! You will have to figure out what works for you. Another favorite thing about homeschooling is that we spend maybe 3 hours a day in dedicated school time, and the rest is open! No going to school all day, and then still having hours of homework!


As far as resources go, my favorite books have been "The Well Trained Mind" and "Phases of Leadership Education" The well trained mind basically maps out how a classical education should look from birth to college, complete with recommended resources for everything. Most of the curriculum we use comes from what was recommended in that book. Sounds like you may not be picking out individual resources and that this program will already have it laid out for you! So you may not be interested in reading that one. ? There is also a site called "Latter Day Learning". It's curriculum from the private school down in....American Fork? Now I can't remember what it's called. Anyway, I've been hearing amazing things about their curriculum. I might be looking into it.


If you think of any specific questions for me, I'll do my best to give a helpful answer! Good luck!!

-Rachel Garner"


It blows my mind that 2-3 years ago, I was the one begging people for advice and now people actually want to know what works for me and my family. Especially when I feel so inadequate. I copy and pasted that email here, and am writing the following, simply as a record of what some ups and downs have been. I know it's a lot words. It's just easier for me to type them here than write them by hand in a journal.

Ok so- a few weeks ago I had a couple of dreams where I would leave the kids at home and not think anything of it. Then I would bolt upright in bed and feel guilty the entire next day for something I didn't even do. One dream was particularly bad. For some reason, Miles and Lindy were at a sitters, but I was going to leave Gwen alone. I told her that if she got scared, she should just knock on a neighbor's door and they would probably let her in. She was hysterical. Richie came home, and I said, "Oh look! You won't have to be alone anymore!" She was so relieved until Richie told her that he was just stopping in to get some food, and was then heading back out. We left her at the door crying and waving. She had been holding Richie's hand begging him not to leave her. He said, "Gwen, you're placing unrealistic expectations on me. If you keep crying, I won't be able to go to this meeting. You don't want that do you?" So replied no, and bawled uncontrollably as we drove out of sight.
CAN YOU BELIEVE THAT!!

I was an emotional wreck the entire next day. I'm usually not such a crier, but man, the whole next day I was holding back tears. I don't know if some of my stress somehow transferred to Miles, but he was the most emotional I had ever seen him. Not in a tantrum way, but in a depressed way. It was heartbreaking and so bizarre. School was awful that day. Miles insisted that he hated school over and over again. It's hard not to take that personally. If your kid is in public school and complains of hating it, you have other places to put the blame; with his teachers, with his peers, etc. Not in this case. If my kids hate school, it's got to come back to something I'm doing wrong. I'm supposed to develop a love of learning in my kids, not squelch it! And it's hard not to take it personally when I'm trying SO hard to make school a good thing. It's my life! We didn't get to hardly any school work that day because I was fighting bad attitudes, both the kids and my own.

That night, Richie and I went to the temple. When we picked them from G&G Garners later that night. Miles was so upset he had to leave. It triggered a power struggle between him and Richie, and Miles ended up in tears. So many tears!! All of his emotions from the day just boiled over and he snapped. When we got home, it took Miles almost 2 hours to fully calm down. I talked with him for a while, Richie laid in bed with him and talked to him for a long time too. When I got home from the gym, we swapped notes. Miles had kept saying awful things like, "I'm dumb" and "Everything is my fault" Things you never want to hear your kid say. Richie and I talked, and cried, and prayed, and brainstormed.

Since then we've made a few changes, and it's made a huge difference. Simply putting lunch in between math and reading, instead of a small break, totally life changing. I've also been having Miles and Gwen do their own separate math and reading. Gwen was keeping up doing 1st grade work just fine, but I noticed a lot of stress coming from her. I took the "unrealistic expectation" line from my dream to heart, and now she is happily doing pre-k work. It's totally below what she is capable of, but she seems to enjoy school more and Miles likes being able to go as fast as he can and not wait for Gwen to catch up.

This Home Schooling thing takes SO much patience, flexibility and consistency. SO much. I'm so grateful for the opportunity I have to do it and how it is changing me, hopefully for the better. Hopefully my kids as well. I'm totally converted to homeschooling, but that doesn't mean that some days I don't wish it was different. Just for a day or two. :)